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| ...Theres no need to be afraid. At Christmas time....We let in light and we banish shade. I keep repeating that phrase like a mantra in my head...as though it might make everything okay. "Why?" You ask? Well, I'm afraid. Afraid for a friend. Someone I love dearly, who has never done anything truely bad in his entire life. Now, he's in the hospital. And those who love him, like myself, aren't allowed to go see him, make him feel better. I don't care what the fucking doctors say, if you're depressed, friends makes you feel better. END OF STORY! Nope. His guardian is allowed to see him. Thats it. I can't go do ANYTHING for my friend, because the hospital policy is that for people like him, solitude is best. WELL OBVIOUSLY THE FUCK NOT! This point proved itself when he did what he did. I don't even care why anymore. I miss him. and it's been less than a week. I want to help him. Show him that we all love him, even if she doesnt. But hospital policy. FUCK THAT NOISE! I have do something. If I have to be all Cove-Ops about it, I will. Don't push me, people. I get dangerously stubborn when I've made up my mind. on a lighter topic, I'm waiting two weeks to find out what exactly it is that my lovely boyfriend got me for Christmas. At least, the big thing he got me for Christmas. It's driving me crazy not knowing. hmmmm all my love, i'm sending you the most, my favorite redhead. ~jaye | | |
| We spent 26 hours together..thats more than a full day. it was amazing.. he brought my sister home from town, got here at 11 30 in the morning and had a late breakfast here. crepes. most yummy. My mom then took him outside to help her in the garden and they apparently talked non-stop. While they were out there, Emma was sleeping and Izzy had a friend over, so I cleaned the house. I still need to finish upstairs though. hm. So then Vince came back inside..and we chilled on the couch for awhile and then went outside n played horse-shoes and Vince kicked my butt. bad. =P so then we basically crashed on the hammock for awhile until dinner and then we all ate tacos and they were amazing. Sooo then we all cleaned up the kitchen and we were gonna watch Karate Kid, but Izzy didnt want to so we played Knowledge instead. Izzy won, with Vince hot on her tail. We had one little hiccup in the middle where i got made fun of and made feel bad... I guess I humiliate and mock people with my photographic memory of useless things. I'm sorry, i just remember that stuff. and i dont mean to make people feel bad!...*tear* And so by the time we got done with that it was really late and everyone went to bed but Vince and I. We stayed up pretty late just laying on the couch and talking. *wink* ok so yeah. but it was storming, which is why he stayed the night, andso i was hiding in his shoulder ALOT. i hate thunder. soooo yeah then i gave him a massage, a full body massage. NO not dirty. =P and so then he massaged my hands and i went upstairs to bed. it was sad.. i didnt want to leave him down there on the couch, but i had no choice. plus its warm enough now that it'd be very uncomfortable. Skip to this morning... My mum left at about 7am for a jujitsu seminar...so at about 8 20 I wake up to a text from Vince asking me to come downstairs cuz he's lonely. So of course I got up and went downstairs. i guess i was the last one up. so i crawled unto the couch with Vince and it was perfect, cuz he was still mostly sleepy and so when i slid into his arms he smiled and hugged me a lil and says "Theres my girl." That was the first thing I heard this morning. It was amazing. So my sisters made pancakes and those were yummiful and deliscious and then I went and got dressed and Vince took a quick shower and then i dunked my head under the faucet and then we crashed on the couch for a couple hours. it was great. soooo then Vince went to leave at about 1 30..and I tried so hard not to...but i broke down and started to cry..i felt so bad cuz i knew that would make it harder for him to leave...and he hates sooo much to see me cry...I felt horrible. I couldn't even really figure out why I was so upset about him leaving. it was stupid. i feel like an irrational, childish, emotional female. which i try so hard to avoid. bleh. so he's gone now..and my house feels really empty and lonely..even though my entire family is home. mum, da and sisters. On the bright side, tomorrow is our six month anniversary..yeah. we have been dating that long. it feels so short tho.. time really flew by. last i remember it was our four month. but i guess a lot has happened since then. we've gone through alot. *soft smile* yes Vince. WE. I love you. Forever. ~jaye | | |
| I can't focus. I'm trying to do so many things with my mind.. Sociology essays and worksheets, spanish homework, french homework..but all of it is overwhelmed and dominated by thoughts of him. I'm surprised my essay turned out as well as it did. and i may have done something totally weird today.. It was Katie's birthday today..and this morning I remembered that.. I checked facebook, and sure enough, I wasn't wrong. So I randomly made this card..anonymous, and left in her school locker. I was just, thinking of her. and maybe I wanted her to know that. I'm not sure. But I did it, and to hell with the "consequences." I was just being nice. letting her know that I hadn't forgotten her birthday. You know, maybe if she wasnt really good friends with Julie and Marissa, both of whom hate me, it makes me wonder if we would have started talking. Maybe if I wasn't so scared to put myself out there.. who knows. Vince..mi amore. I'm going to marry him. I have to. Its totally different then with any other guy.. with Jordan and Alex it was always IF we make it this far. IF we get married. With Vince, it feels like something I take for granted. Its like..um.. I MIGHT be an interpreter. I WILL grow up. its not something variable. it feels like it WILL happen. weird how these things happen, hm? Emily needs to get better! pobre chica.. we missed you in weight training. ok i need to go clean up the kitchen and get my sisters ready for youth group. BLECK! later. ~jaye | | |
| ..do people make trustworthy friends? and more specifically, how would I go about finding someone who can relate to me AND not blab everything i tell her. yeah, i have a few good friends but they're mostly guys..and then emily. and while i love her to death, she does freak out a little. just cuz she's that innocent. and usually i adore that about her. but right now i need someone serious to talk to about what is going on in my life, in my heart, and in my head.. and emily just, can't do that. not unless i like, force her. and that makes me feel bad that i asked her to do that. anyway..i really just need to talk to someone seriously. i want to work out what i'm feeling right now.. *sigh* i may resort to Vince.. i hate dumping all my girl-emotions on him..he doesnt need it. and they arent meant for guys to have to deal with. i feel bad he gets stuck with them sometimes. sorry love.. phil was right..by the way..the emotional connection is so much deeper now.. i didnt think it could..but it got so much more all encompassing.. <3 ~jaye | | |
| Yes? I saw you were looking here..what exactly are you looking for? you know who you are..if you wanna know about my damn life call me or something. if you're just checking on me, then what the hell do you care? i was gonna try..but vince said he tried before and you shot that down.. so either go totally away, or make a damn effort. thanks. anyway. on to my update. Vince is back at school! yay! School sucks majorly without him.. He showed me some things he wrote..I've never cried and been so happy that i'm smiling at the same time..but i did today...how pathetic is that? if you understand me and vince, it's not actually THAT pathetic.. other than that..well..ok so one more thing.. tehe 4 minutes. nothing really happened.. loves and peace, ~jaye | | |
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